How I met my Swedish husband.

And maybe some tips to you who are not married yet.

It was Sunday after Church. I sat in the cafeteria, eating a ham and cheese baguette. Most people had already left, so it was quite empty. My mind was not empty though. I was talking with God.

God had told me three months earlier that I would soon meet my future husband. But for an 18 year old girl, three months was a long time to wait.

I was getting impatient, and talked with God about it in my mind:

-You told me I would meet him soon, but who is it God?

I hadn’t even finished the sentence, when I noticed a person approaching me. I looked up and there was this tall Swede that I only knew a little. The very same person that I had noticed on the first Church service I attended, after arriving to go the second year of Bible school.

And all I could think was:

Him…??

Was it just a coincidence, or could it be God’s answer?

I pushed the thoughts aside, as doubts arose in my mind.

A lot of things had happened since I moved out from home at only 17 years and 4 months old, with only a gym bag and a pair of worn out sailor shoes.

I had gone one year at Bible school, I had made many new friends, I also managed to get a driving licence, and in the summer break I worked at the same petrol station that I had worked at before I started Bible school, to get some much needed cash.

I was determined not to move home again during the summer. I really didn’t want to see Karen again after being physically assaulted twice, a few weeks before the summer break, so I asked Mrs Larsen if I could stay with them while working at the petrol station. She said yes, and she didn’t ask any questions as to why I wanted to stay with them, when my own family lived only 7 km away. She probably already knew .

(Here you can read about the assault, and also who Mrs Larsen was:)

As we were sitting in Mrs Larsen’s living room that summer, I told her how Karen had pushed me straight into a framed picture, that had given me a painful bump when the glass broke into the back of my head.

I also told her how I had been afraid of getting married, because I thought all marriages were bad, just like my parents'.

- Maybe you should write her a letter and tell her how you feel about it?, she suggested.

I followed her advice. I wrote a letter, bought a stamp, and posted it nearby, hoping that Karen would change and ask for forgiveness.

My dad gave me the update on the phone:

-Did she get my letter?, I asked him.

-Yes, and she got so upset that she didn’t sleep for a whole night, he told me.

I hoped that meant Karen felt regret over her actions.

Karen’s reply letter quickly snuffed out that hope.

I eagerly read through it to see if she would at least apologise. But no, there was no apology, just a lot of babble - I should of course have known better.

With the next school year fast approaching I wondered how I would get my few belongings to the big city of Bergen. All that was solved when Mrs. Larsen announced that they too planned to move to Bergen.

I could travel with them in their old brown and beige Volkswagen bus. I helped them getting their big house ready for rental and then we travelled the 3 hours north to Norway’s second biggest city together.

For me Bergen with its 250.000 inhabitants felt huge, as I lived my first 12 years in the small town Odda, with only around 10.000 inhabitants. My teenage years were spent just outside the coastal town of Haugesund.

I felt kind of lost in this big city, but the Bible school had been moved to Bergen, and I had really no choice if I wanted to go a second year.

My pastor started a new Church in this big city, and the Bible school was in this Church.

I remember walking into the building of this new Church. There were a lot more people than the first year, and the building was huge. I felt lost here too. I was a shy person and I did not enjoy everything being so big, but I put the feelings aside and tried to be positive.

The first service was held and there were many new faces, but also some I knew.

I spotted him immediately. Taller than most others, and handsome.

-Well, I thought to myself. - He is going to be taken in no time. I have no chance whatsoever with all the unmarried girls here. And with that, I forgot all about him.

And when he got together with the Church receptionist shortly after, I just nodded to myself while thinking:

-Just as I thought.

The second year was not at all the same as the first year. Instead of an atmosphere of brothers and sisters in Christ, it was more like people elbowed their way to positions. It seemed like many chased a spiritual career.

I saw this clearly through my involvement in the worship in the Church. I noticed how some with the right contacts were promoted to leading positions, either as worship leaders or front singers, even though they were more lukewarm in their commitments to God.

This really bothered me as I could not understand why it was like this.

The new Church attracted a lot of people. It grew rapidly as people from other Churches came to see the “new thing” that had come to town.

I too threw myself into it with all my heart, involving myself in worship and evangelism.

I got myself a job in a grocery store, and most days consisted of waking up at 6 a.m., Bible school from 8 a.m. -12 p.m., then running to the bus to get to work, finished work at 8 pm, and then home by 9:30 pm, completely exhausted.

Time with God myself was sparse, but I fooled myself by thinking that I got a lot of praying and Bible study at school.

But God was good to me. He saw my heart at only 18 years old, and even though I was very young, he looked after me and helped me. He told me that I would soon meet my future husband. I believed it, but the weeks passed, and nothing happened.

I wasn’t the type of girl who tried to catch a guy. I wanted one who took the initiative towards me. And I wanted it to be the right one for the rest of my life. To be dumped would probably destroy me - at least that was what I thought it would do.

One day my roommate Merethe, who worked part-time in the Church, told me that the Swedish guy Emanuel had been dumped by his girlfriend. The girl had gone straight back to a former boyfriend only a few days after dumping him.

We both felt very sorry for him.

Then a few weeks later Emanuel helped me save a car that I had borrowed from becoming a total wreck. It was leaking oil and it had next to no oil left.

While I was out driving, I saw this red lamp at the dashboard. I asked Merethe if she knew what it meant.

- Have you been driving with that??, she said, with her eyes wide open.

-Yes, I replied innocently, a bit embarrassed for not knowing that a red lamp meant -don’t drive!

She probably thought I was a complete novice, and I was.

I was too scared to drive by now, so Merethe stepped in and bravely drove the car to the Church and found Emanuel and asked if he could help us.

Now there is one thing Bergen is known for, and that is rain. It had been raining so much while we had been inside, so that the car was now standing in a big puddle of water. But this didn’t stop Emanuel.

He took off his socks and shoes, then folded up his trousers a bit, and waded in ice-cold water to get to the car. He drove it into a dry hall where he filled it up with oil. I had no clue how to fill oil, so I was glad that he helped me out.

Then, some days later, as I sat in the cafeteria after Church and asked God who He had for me, Emanuel came walking up to me. He stopped in front of me saying:

-There is a baptism service later today in this small Church nearby. Do you want to come?

I looked up at him. He was very tall. At 6 foot 3, he was easy to spot in any crowd.

I never said no to go to Church. My hunger for God was strong, and I simply said:

- Yes.

We drove to the baptism service in his brown Saab 99, from 1972. Emanuel was direct, but polite. He asked me how I thought about getting married and similar questions. I answered honestly. But the strange thing was that it felt like he saw right through me, and some of his words felt like arrows that went straight into my heart. It puzzled me, and I wondered why.

I didn’t understand it then, but I found out later that he worked his way through many unmarried girls in the Church methodically, to find the right one without falling in love. This time it was me he was checking out.

After the baptism service we went home to his apartment to eat, and he offered me some food. I had already eaten a baguette, but the spaghetti and hot dog he had made was good.

We chatted, and at one point he asked me what I wanted to do in life.

My answer was simple but honest:

-I must go all the way with God.

I thought everyone wanted to do that, so I didn’t think it was anything special about my answer, but for Emanuel this was very important.

As Christmas approached, I decided to travel home, as I didn’t want to spend Christmas alone. All plans were made when Emanuel invited me to celebrate Christmas with him and some other people from the Church that had no family to celebrate with.

I politely declined as I had already made up my mind what to do.

Strangely, as I travelled to my birth town Odda, I couldn’t stop thinking of him.

-Weird, I thought. I wasn’t in love, but he was in my thoughts anyway.

The proposal

I was back a few days later, just in time for the New Year conference in the Church.

After the New Year’s service, we wished each other a Happy New Year, and then on January 3rd, 1993, Emanuel called me and asked if he could see me.

He picked me up, and drove up to a small mountain called Fløyfjellet in Bergen. He parked so that we had a fantastic view over the town. It was late and all the street lights made it look even more beautiful and breathtaking.

Part of our view from Fløyen, daytime

When he had stopped the car, he turned his head towards me, and the first thing he said was:

-Do you want to marry me?

I was completely taken off guard. I knew he was a direct person, but I hadn’t excpected this. I was really impressed.

My only problem was that I had no idea what to answer him.

So I honestly said:

-I don’t know what to answer you on that.

-That’s OK, he replied. - Take your time and answer when you are ready.

So we just sat there and chatted for 3 hours. And then he drove me home. I promised to think about it, and answer him when I was ready.

It took me two days to pray and think, and I just could not decide if this was God’s will or not. I wanted to say yes, but I had to know if God wanted me to say yes. My roommate Merethe came to my help again. She was a down- to- earth, hands- on person and little older than me.

We were sitting on our beds talking about it, and she said:

-You are the one that will marry, not God. What do you want? Make the desicion you think is right. If you make the wrong desicion, you will feel it right away.

I took her advice, and decided to say yes. And when I made that desicion, the feelings came immediately.

I realised right there and then, that feelings come as a result of a decision.

It is not true that people just fall in love and can’t help it. It is a decision either knowingly or unknowingly.

Next morning I went to Bible school as usual. I was ready to answer him. Only problem was that I didn’t know where he was, and I had to wait and hope he came to Church, so that I could give him my answer.

Needless to say I could hardly eat. His friend John sat at my table at lunch. I couldn’t eat so I offered him my food. He was really happy and ate it all.

At the end of the SchooI day I walked out to the cafeteria and there Emanuel came walking in. He came up to me and we walked to a place where we could talk, and I gave him my answer.

And from that day, we stuck together like two turtle doves.

And even if I was only 18 years and 9 months old, I would very soon find out why it was so important to having found my future husband at such a young age.

I will tell all about that in a coming post.

-Liv

Walking together in Durrow, Ireland